Hare Krishna:

Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. Please accept this flower and buy our shit.

Buddhism:

Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.

Zen:

What is the sound of shit happening?

7th Day Adventists:

Shit happens on Saturdays.

Hinduism:

This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.

Protestantism:

If shit happens, it happens to someone else.

Presbyterianism:

This shit was bound to happen.

Calvinism:

Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Episcopalian:

If shit happens, hold a procession.

Methodist:

It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Lutheranism:

Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Quakers:

Let us not fight over this shit.

Catholicism:

If shit happens, you deserved it.

Judaism:

Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

Conservative Judaism:

Why does shit always happen to US?

Orthodox Judaism:

So shit happens, already!

Islam:

If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!

Shiite Islam:

If shit happens, take a hostage.

Nation of Islam:

Don't take no shit!

New Age:

For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Jehovah's Witnesses:

Knock Knock, "Shit Happens." Open the door and I'll show you what shit is.

Secular Humanism:

Shit evolves.

Creationism:

... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He rested.

Christian Science:

When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.

Our shit will take care of itself.

Atheism:

I don't believe this shit!

Agnosticism:

You can't prove any of this shit!

Rastafarians:

Hey, this is good shit, mon.

Mormonism:

Excrement happens. (you can't say 'shit' in Utah)

Southern Baptist:

Shit will happen. Praise the lord!

Voodooism:

This shit's gonna get you!

Televangelism:

Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening...

Congregationalism:

Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarianism:

Come let us reason together about this shit.

Orthodox:

St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

Greek Orthodox:

Shit happens, usually in threes.

Fundamentalism:

If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

Amish:

Shit is good for the soil.

Native Americans:

Shit is sacred when it happens.

Moonies:

Only happy shit really happens.

Stoicism:

This shit happening is good for me.

Zoroastrianism:

Christianity stole half its shit from us.

Bahaism:

Shit happens universally.

Mysticism:

This is really weird shit.

Paganism:

Shit happens for a variety of reasons.

Rosicrucianism:

What is this AMORC shit?

Satanism:

We hope bad shit happens to all of you.

Witchcraft:

Mix this shit together and it will happen!

Scientology:

This shit happened before, but we can clean it up if you pay us enough.

Branch Davidianism:

David thinks he's hot shit.

Jesuits:

If shit happens and nobody hears it, did it really make a sound?

Creation Science:

Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.

Dianetics:

"Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)

And just in case you do think this page is socially unacceptable or politically incorrect, lighten up! Had this been an actual attempt to be socially unacceptable or politically incorrect, you would not have been warned! May all the shit that happens to you come out smelling like a rose.